This one is a messy blog I wrote. It was my first blog on MySpace and perhaps the internet. I have a bad memory so who knows. Anyway it is poorly written, but figured it is something to post.


Well I had alot of ideas on what my first blog would be. The first and most common ideas had to do with just writing about what all happens to me in a night. Unfortunately due to lack of oxygen, too many pills, loss of blood, and well just being sleepy my typical night is just too hard too remember. I never really thought my first blog on myspace would be about losing the friend that for years without warning would force me to go out and have crazy adventures. I’ve had friends that try to help me if I am being shy about something (that hasnt happened in years), friends that dare me too do things (also not in years), and so on. This one though made every second I was around him a source of constant unpredictable adventure. He made life so crazy, interesting and adrenaline fueled that everything else seems like a boring chore, like some sort of torture that just drags on and on without relenting for anything but the next crazy moment when he would pop up.  I’ve always been abit crazy and had ideas that people would call out there, among other things. People would tell me thats crazy when i came up with something odd and abnormal and look at me all weird and so on, but  he would either say “F**K YEAH!” or throw the idea back with some sort of extra little bit of insanity thrown on. I in turn never thought of his ideas as beyond me I liked them and would either say “ok and when are we gonna do this” or throw it back at him with a little addition. No matter how weird the stuff that comes out of my mouth gets he never got shocked but seemed interested and always seemed to have something equally interesting too add. We had all sorts of out there discussions like “why cant men wear purses and dresses its not fair that women get all the clothing options” or “hey we should tear apart the chairs and make them into makeshift samurai armor and practice swords and wait for someone to ring the bell, then say too them come on in its unlocked and then charge each other and duel right there infront of them”. We did tear apart one of the chairs too the dinning room table and make the practice swords out of it but never got any further on that idea and another time we got ahold of a friend from texas and with me as the ref had boxing matches in the garage. I could go on forever about all the crazy adventures. One of my favorites involving a clown wig and driving 52 in a 25 the wrong way down a one way but thats not what this blog is about. I just dont run into people as crazy as me that often, especially those willing to go along with the ideas. Yeah the texan will do anything if you say “I dare you” but still he finds alot of my ideas as going too far and doesnt seem too really be able too add too them in a way that fits. I have alot of good friends and they knew henry and how crazy he could be and they have to admit life was never boring while he was around and many of them have had their own crazy adventures with henry. He fell off of a bridge at 2:30 am friday and hit his head on the way into the full strong current of our swollen river here and hasnt been spotted since, last I heard the police are still looking. We had talked many times about jumping off that bridge together when the river was up and swimming to shore just for the crazy thrill of it and we will probably never get around to that or the duel now. The current was strong the river high and he hit his head. So just as fast and random and out of no where as he would pop up with his “I have an idea and we are doing this now no chance to back out” adventures he seems to have left this world. When he is not around and I go about my day knowing I have to do as everyone else its like everything slows down and seems to be as if I am watching not participating. He forced you to be there in the moment either going through with your own wild ideas or one of his and you never knew what was going to happen and it didnt always end well but IT WAS ALWAYS an adventure to remember. So now I get to keep my ideas to myself again never living or having an adventure really doing something other than the same day to day just like everyone else……lifes definately gonna slow to a crawl and without henry many people are gonna be wishin they had a fast forward button for the monotony of sleep get up go to work eat sleep and use any spare time for tv that shows us the same story over and over only changing the names and a few minor details. He got me into joel peter witkin’s photography and samurai culture and many other things that have defined me over the last decade. I have my eyes wide open maybe just maybe I’ll get lucky and have a once in a lifetime chance twice and meet another person like him….its been about 3 years since he stopped coming by my house and while ive been waiting for him to show up or too run into someone like him again it hasnt happened…..I am keeping my fingers crossed ….one idea I had for my first blogg was about losing touch with the people in life who really make you live it not just watch it go by…. this is kinda that in away but under more unfortunate circumstances cause the most adventurous, the one who made me live so crazy I sware I was having a heart attack the whole time is in all probability dead. Yeah there were some bad things about him as with most people but this blog isnt about that. You may have seen shows like jackass, viva la bam, or CKY well we didnt need money for our ideas and we werent always concerned about other peoples safety so they had nothing on us and we didnt tape it cause we were too busy living the adventure. Sometimes I can still get someone to go along with an idea but never any of the really good ones and still people usually dont believe ive done something unless theyve seen it, they also tend to react in a manner that takes the fun out of it, these are all the things i face trying to go through with my ideas solo pluss its alot easier to get arested solo so I am keeping my fingers crossed hoping youve washed ashore henry if not well i hope fate blesses me with another person like you.

There were comments and updates and so on when I originally posted this. However much of the original blog dissapeared as people left MySpace and the site went through changes. The site just sort of erased stuff, even when I commented on my own blog.     The updates involved things like his body being found and the stupid shit I did at the funeral. Also even the stupid shit I pulled before the funeral. His body was in bad shape so he was cremated.  Each year since his death I get more timid, shy, introverted. I have gained weight.

Since the blog was written I have lost most of my friends (nothing to do with the blog). The Texan got into meth and moved to a bigger city. The sleep therapist said he couldn’t hang around me without wanting to do drugs, something about that was the only way he could put up with my craziness and he wanted to keep his career and all, so yeah I email him once in awhile. Really the friends I have left are boring slow every day friends. The kind normal everyday people have.

The days are repetative and slow. I tend to hate waking up to the same shit. Still its not all bad.

My fave pen pal is amazing. I even stopped writing to any other pen pals. She makes me feel happy. I feel a bit alive again when I read her letters. It is in a different way though. I can’t explain it. It isn’t like anything else I have ever fealt. Yeah I get one hell of an adrenaline rush from reading her letters and emails, but they feel different. I am not doing anything crazy or adventurous when I read her letters or respond to them, but I am alive again when I do so.

Also I have my dream od directing. Movies are boring slow observational activities like boring slow observational every day living.  Still good movies distract me long enough and kill most of the boredom.

I hate going through the daily routine. Sometimes I just want to drive off the road or punch someone. I still get in the mood to do crazy things, and I still get the ideas. Sometimes when I am wearing the oversized goggles and that crazy cowboy hat I find myself almost asking why I am falling into line with all these boring wastes of flesh with their worthless lives.

I remember driving in blizzards and finding iced over graveyards on level be roads…. and so much more. The memories are fading and never as fun as just doing that crazy shit. Skating around that iced over graveyard off that level be road was fun as hell, but when shit went wrong and we tried running back to the car, stumbline, falling, tripping over tombstones, thats when I really felt life. God that Ice was hard to run on.

No one even talks about Henry anymore. Thats another thing that really sucks about the comments disappearing from that MySpace blog. I need to fix this blog up.

Oh and going past a “DANGER DO NOT ENTER!” sign and not investigating feels like a GOD DAMN CRIME! Shit I wonder if that construction worker lived after I returned that ….yeah that would be stupid to type out…it was at 45 miles per hour though…..shit I can’t even type most of any of my life thats worth mentioning. I hate this normal shit. I have always wanted to be normal and fit in, but it never works. At least with BAT SHIT CRAZY I felt like I was alive. … …. I think I am gonna go write to my pen pal….this post may have been a bad idea. its depressing me….stupid blog.