There is a magical time of year when you can walk right upto someone’s kid, even while they are holding its hand, and smack that kid hard across the back of the head and no one yells at you. That time of year is roughly between thanksgiving and X-mas. It is best done in crowded Malls.

You just walk up to some snot nosed kid holding a toy or candy that is being waved around and hitting people. Then you observe and relish the moment. Rear your hand back as if you are stretching and violently swing forward with rigtheous holy vengeance. The child will stumble forward. The parent will yank its arm violently (almost out of socket) to get it back to the proper distance from the parent. No one has noticed what you have done.

Don’t worry no one will. Just keep walking and your reward will come soon. The shock will wear off and the child will imediately flop to the ground crying. It may think its parent hit it, or it may point to the nearest person and blame them. Either way you should be at a safe viewing distance now and relishing in your glorious victory.

After a night of child smacking your hand will sting and tingle from their thick skulls, but it is a good kind of pain. It really leaves you with a sense of acomplishment. Its one of the few good things about the souless American holiday season.

Unfortunately I did not get to partake in this amazing event this year. Ah well there is always next year. Memories, sweet memories.


(this is the begining of a post I have already thought out, I am just to lazy to finish it right now.)